The Beginning

Hai semua, Assalamualaikum. Lama sangat aku tak update blog. Nak kata busy, takde lah busy sangat. Haha entah lah kenapa tah. Sorry for those yg keep waiting to read my blog or any of my development haha ada ke? *keningkening*

First of all, cuti sekolah dh nak habis kan? And sekolah pon dh nak start kan? I bet korang mesti mcm 'Alaaaaa :<' Kan? Haha I know lah cause it same goes to me. Lagi lagi next year I have my superb important exam, I mean SPM. Whooa! Siapa tak takut weh? Confirm busy habis and confirm mama ayah kakak abg semua cakap benda yg sama suruh study study study, confirm punya lah. Huhu tapi takpe lah, ini semua utk my future. Masih panjang lagi kehidupan aku and masih byk benda lagi yg aku taktahu and perlu belajar. Huh kenapa ayat aku mcm poyo? :P

Aku tak sabar nak masuk 2012, liked seriously! Aku betulbetul dah tak sabar sangat sbb.. Um, idk lah. Everyone know how big my challenges and berapa byk dah dugaan datang menimpa dlm tahun ni. Dah terlalu banyak sangat benda yg aku taknak, terjadi dlm tahun ni. But, apa pon what I can say is, I'm glad and I'm so thankful cause benda benda ni lah dah buat aku jadi matang, kuat dan still boleh berdiri sendiri tak kira berapa ramai manusia kat luar sana yg cuba utk jatuhkan aku. Ya Allah, terima kasih atas segalanya. Terima kasih sbb kuatkan semangat hamba-Mu ini untuk terus hidup.

Yet, everyone know next year aku akan jadi budak SPM and semua tahu yg SPM sangat penting for future kan? So, what I can is, aku bersyukur dan tersangat bersyukur yg aku dah single, I mean I have no boyfriend. Aku dah tak terikat dengan sesiapa. Takde siapa lagi akan kecik hati, kecewa, sakit hati and else. Aku pilih utk tak terikat dengan sesiapa buat masa sekarang. Just focus untuk belajar sbb cuma tggl 1 year je utk aku study sampai pandai sampai aku dapat result yg bagus. Dah cukup banyak hati aku terluka dengan perbuatan dorang. Tapi apa pon, aku doakan semua my ex-boyfriends happy dengan life masing-masing and tak lupakan aku or maybe we still can be friend. Especially my latest boyfriend, Um k enough. Pasal aku ckp yg aku taknak terikat dgn sesiapa tu, um I think mesti ada orang orang akan cakap aku poyo or maybe something like 'eleh, kejap je tu, cuba tgk sebulan dua nnti..' Takpe, aku tak kisah. Tapi apa yg aku boleh cakap kat sini jangan lah doa yg bukan bukan utk aku. Support aku. Kalau taknak support pon, atleast diam mulut jangan kurang ajar sibuk nak tahu apa aku buat apa life aku pesuma. Itu pon dh cukup bagi aku. Tolong doakan yg terbaik utk aku, no offense!

2011 end cepat-cepat pls :< Aku nak lupakan semua yg bad and aku nak start dengan 0-0. Aku dh taknak kenal siapa haters aku and aku cuma nak go on dgn life aku and org org penting sekeliling aku. That's all! Aku harap 2012 lebih bermakna and lebih menjadikan aku insan yg lebih kuat utk terus hidup. Aku sayang my family, aku sayang mama ayah. So aku rasa dah tiba masanya aku nak balas jasa dorang dengan bagi dorang keputusan yg cemerlang atleast bagus. Bukan keputusan mcm org tak pegi sekolah :'< Aku takut sgt sgt sbb dalam adik beradik aku, tggal aku sorang je yg still bersekolah, so for sure harapan dorang letak kat bahu aku tggi sangat. Especilly mama, aku rapat dengan mama, mama selalu nasihatkan aku belajar tu betul-betul, keputusan cemerlang pesuma. Dari percakapan dia pon aku tahu yang dia btl btl berharap aku dpt keputusan yg cemerlang. Um, K I try k mama.. Mama, I heart you maa :/ Pls stay with me and keep babbler me. Mama knew about me and crn, mama lah yg selalu bagi advices pesuma. Cuma mama je yg tahu mcmana and berapa banyak aku sayang kat dia. Tiada orang lain, just mama! Till today, kalau aku rindu rindu dia, aku teringat pesan mama. ' Dah, lupakan dia k. Anak mama bukan utk org yg mcmtu. Move on. '

Takpe lah, Allah lebih tahu siapa yg terbaik utk kita. Tuhan tarik orang yg kita sayang sebab Dia nak bagi yang lebih baik untuk kita. So I need to accept qada' and qadar of things. May I'll be okay dengan segala apa burden yg akan datang. As long as my family is with me, I'm okay :)

I hope everyone pray the best for me :)

Catch ya later, Bye.
Salam.

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku :'( You guys have no idea how much I miss both of them. yknow?! BOTH OF THEM!

Muhammad Syahiran Alfian,

I'm deeply missing him, like seriously. The way he smiled at me, the way he talked to me, the way he entertained me in so many ways, I don't think I'll forget those. I think about him too much these days and still got no idea why am I feeling so so and so sad these days. I miss him way too much, only Allah knows how I feel deep inside my heart. I can say that November and December are the worst months that I've live in. Although I know him for a very short period, I don't think he can't be replaced by any other guy cause he changed the whole things in me. But, yes I know I can't say anything about this. I don't know who am I meant to be with, its hurt to accept other guy to be in my life after arwah Shazni. Mmhhmm.. I miss you Ciran.


Muhammad Shazni Samsol,

All I can say is, I need him back!! Indeed! Please tell me how to live without you, sayang? Please! I don't know why I cry too much at nights and I don't easily fall asleep lately. Banyak sangat benda fikir. I can't stop reminding all memories we had together. I really really need you sayang, Really am :'(


Sorry if this statement might hurt those people yang berkaitan. You guys can say whatever pon, but just please know I didn't mean to hurt you guys or anyone. I am too weak right now. Yes I do smile, I do laugh infront of people but inside, only Allah knows :'( I'm not lying! I wish theres anyone out there know how hurt my feelings and how weak I am right now.
I seriously can't continue this. I'm sorry. I don't wanna cry again :(

bye

It's Been Awhile :)

I've been quite dissapointed with my life lately, It has been full of tears. But I believe that those hard assumptions I've been dealing with happen for a reason, InsyaAllah. And Allah knows whats the best for His creatures. Sumpah tak tipu, dugaan datang tk berhenti. Dah tak tahan sangat but I just know myself well and I won't do stupid things that'll just hurt myself. I just won't! May I'll be okay with these hard things..

Ammagadd! I never thought that time would fly this fast. I mean, look at the calender! Zzzz There's only a few weks more than sekolah pon dah start and shit I hate being 17 y/o dengan Spm segala bagai. Mmhhmmm. And what am I doing? Sitting on the chair, eating much foods, watching tv and watching stupid parody videos on Youtube. Goddamn social networks are always the major disturbance. Am I wrong?

2011 is going to an end already. I don't want it to end that fast because I myself don't even know if I'm going to be this strong after this. This beautiful month has been treating me so hard. But I believe that everythings happens for a reason. On the happy side, I thank Allah for presence Mom Dad Kakyong and Kakeca with me. Idk why even I have my bestfriend, but Its hard for me to share everything with her. Sorry to say, she changed a lots! She didnt realise that but I do. I dont even know what the hell is wrong with her but all I can say is she changed a lots and I hate when someone copy all my style! Either fashion or lifestyle. Everything seems same with me :< I'm not going to get angry but just that, pls being yourself okay? Ily, hmmm. Dear my bestfriend, If you read this, pls jangan kecil hati or apa apa. I just wanna things get clear! Oh by the way, Kakyong slept over at my place for two nights! Haha and all I can say is, my other halves are way too good to cheer me up when I'm in a bad situation with some particular stuffs. I love her two bits yknoooooooow?! Then, we have our own plan for next Tuesday yepppiii! *evil. Hehe I babbler too much lah, bukan ada orang baca pon but it's okay :>
Till here,

Ema Aziz ♥